I love writing all the things going through my mind. However I am quite sure it would be a never ending story. I realize my mind is constantly going and I rarely turn it off. Hence my insomnia issues.

I’d say the thoughts that mostly occupy my mind is weight loss and baby. I have such baby fever. I am not sure if it’s because I turn 30 in less than a month and half or because we truly have a plan. However the weight loss and baby thoughts go hand and hand. I want to loose a considerable amount of weight before we start trying. The plan is to start IUI in end of June or July. That’s 6 months to get my butt in gear. I guess I find some comfort in food. I’m not totally sure where it stems from but it’s always been there. I have never been small or skinny by any means. I was one of the tallest and heavier kids since I can remember. I know my “love for food” is no where near my desire to be a mom.

I have planned for my future children before I even knew how babies were made! I know I am destined to be a mom. I’m just worried it won’t or can’t happen. My periods have never been regular by any means. My weight definitely has an affect on them as well. I had an ultrasound a few years ago and everything was good ( I was having flank pain and they wanted to rule out a cyst) ended up being a herniated disk which eventually caused me to loose sensation in my legs prevent me from walking for a month or so. I literally had to crawl to the bathroom. When I think about it, it was actually insane that my life was like that at some point. Nicole, my wife, oh did I mention we are a lesbian couple living a pretty much “normal life”, any who she has been so amazing and supportive through my worse, through my surgery and the long long recovery. Anyways flash forward high dose steroids for months, not walking and back pain I put on lbs blood pressure became elevated as did my blood sugar. So now I’m in the process of trying to recover from all of this all while feeling like I’m running out of baby time.

So many of my friends and coworkers have and continue to have babies! I mean it also might be that they don’t have to all go to a fertility doctor to try to get pregnant either. I know plenty of heterosexual couples struggle with fertility too and I respect them very much. It’s just hard not being able to at least try. I am just afraid on top of that I will struggle getting pregnant.

Well thats probably enough for now! So I hope that some will being this journey of ttc with us.

This is us! Picture from our wedding in 2012. (Yikes! Seems like it was yesterday!)

– Candice